Out of Balance Already? 

24 Jan


It took me exactly 19 days to get out of balance in 2017.

Nineteen stinking days.

Seeking balance wasn’t a “resolution;” for me, it’s a necessity. I need balance. If you’re a horoscope-following person I’m a Libra, balance is important. If you’re not a horoscope-following person, balance is important.

I knew I was out in trouble when each day I awoke to a punched-in-the-gut feeling. Truth be told I felt helpless. Disconnected. Out of touch with just about everyone. I don’t know about you, but I like to deceive myself into believing that I am in control of my life. I like to believe that if I work hard (and I do), and follow the rules (check “yes”), then I will live out the rest of my days harmoniously with the world.

I know . . . that’s kray-kray talk isn’t it?

Perhaps the saddest part about last week wasn’t being out of balance, but the methods I use to shift my Libra-scales back in balance didn’t work.

I prayed.

I read my favorite scriptures.

I cried out to God, “Lord, I’m out of balance, help!”

Nothing. Even the crickets were silent. The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach pressed harder.

By Thursday I was ready to walk away from the constant noise, my cellphone, and social media, (Remember, I don’t have cable-Thank God).

But, I kept praying.

I dusted off old scripture.

I re-read my prayer journal. (which truly helps)

But still felt disconnected and out of balance.

“Lord, where are you?” I cried and then it occurred to me that perhaps the Lord has cried out the same phrase. “Renea, where are you? Hello? I can’t hear you. Renea, can you hear me calling?”

God gets lonely for us, doesn’t he? He created us so we could have a relationship with Him and there I go fluttering around being all human wearing a “watch me” robe instead of the attitude of, “come with me, Lord.”

The answer, when it came, hurt. “You don’t trust me.”

“But . . . I began, while knowing that God was right. Let’s rip off the Band-Aid and expose it all. I didn’t trust God. I had been too busy, too tired, too distracted, to “whatever” to offer anything other than a quick prayer which went something like, “God, you know . . . I’m worried about this.”

If I truly trusted God about this very serious situation I would have turned it over to him and left the situation at the cross. Except I couldn’t. I prayed, left it in God’s hands for thirty-two seconds and then snatched the prayer right back and tucked it into my mind where I could roll it around in that little brain of mine until I smoothed away the jagged edges. Only the jagged edges wouldn’t smooth.

As is my nature, the only way I can connect with God, the only way I can Have a Little Talk With Jesus, is when I unplug. I’ve gotta leave it all behind: the cell phone and the noise. I hit the woods with just me and the Lord. He rarely speaks to me in the woods, but I feel he is there. That part in the Bible where it mentions, He Restoreth My Soul. . . well, that’s the only way I can sit here writing this post. God restores my soul. (Praise you Lord!)

Will I make it twenty days before falling out of balance again? Only God knows; but I know for certain that every time I seek Him I find Him. Some days the seeking is a bit of a challenge, but if I’m willing to keep pressing I find Him and he restores my soul.

Renea is donating the proceeds of her Christmas Story: A Hardscrabbleuntitled1Christmas  and In the Garden with Billy to the victims she met at The Distribution Center in Gatlinburg Tennessee. Download it here.

Renea Winchester is a traditionally-published author of three books. She is a Jesus lover, a gardener, and a giver of hugs. She may be reached at P.O. Box 404, Webster NC 28788



1 Comment

Posted by on January 24, 2017 in A Glimpse into My Life


One response to “Out of Balance Already? 

  1. Lou Cinda Munroe

    January 24, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    I needed this today. Thank you.


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