KEEP PRESSING !

Friends, I’ve been struggling with a lack of focus. Am I alone in this journey?

2023 is a mere three months old and already my thoughts seem scattered. This is unlike me. I must focus! My daughter’s wedding is in May, and two other significant projects are nearing completion. One of these projects is “The Apothecary.” Many of you know that Poppa and I purchased my grandmother’s farm a few years back. On that property there are several ramshackle out buildings as well as a 10 by 60 mobile home which served as the inspiration for my novel, Outbound Train. To say the home was in a state of disrepair is an understatement.

I had a two year “plan” which included using the mobile home as a classroom for medicinal herb classes. This project, through no fault of my own, has dragged into a three-year journey of hope and prayers that I might see it happen. Along the way there have been many obstacles. One day I’ll have time to share, but today I need to give myself a pep talk.

I can see the finish line of this project. I only need to complete the trim work. Slather on another layer of paint and purchase the furnishings. But I also have an agent looking at my manuscript and a new book in the works.

Why then am I distracted?

Friends, I don’t know for certain. I only know that if I am going to see these dreams come to pass I must press harder than before.

But when I press, so does a new distraction that has taken root. There is a tug at my heart, a strong force interfering with my longing to complete what I know God has given me as a gift. I will preserve my grandmother’s farm, at all cost. And the evil one is using every trick in his playbook to keep me from being successful.

The distraction he has planned for me is beautiful, it is sensual, full of love and promise. The image of what could be does not leave my mind from the moment I wake until I lie down at night. In all my years on this earth, I have never wanted something as much as I want this one thing.

My friends, the evil one is a master manipulator. Like a horse following a carrot, I have allowed my mind to take me far away from the path God set out before me. I felt myself pulling my hand out of His.

I was about to close the door I had prayed for God to open, for reasons I couldn’t explain.

Has anyone else struggled with a distraction this strong, a force you just can’t shake; something wedged in tight between you and the life you were meant to have?

Maybe fear, or discouragement, doubt and financial uncertainty keeps you from pursuing your dreams. Maybe you suffer from comparison-syndrome. We see social media posts of people with new jobs, new homes, new businesses and -let’s be honest- we self-reflect. Why can’t I have that? Why can’t my children be like that, my house? Why is my life so stinking hard?

What we never see are the struggles behind the glossy photos. This post is a raw journal entry to the struggle behind my dream. Over the past three years, I have felt all of those emotions, especially a deep concern about the financial investment I am making.

I pursue this dream after I leave my paying job. I’ve been injured, sunburned and exhausted on both an emotional and physical level. I have wanted to give up more times than I can count. I have hated this dream and asked that it be taken away from me (I was dehydrated at the time and later apologized. . . I didn’t mean it, I was just overextended). In short, I have poured every ounce of myself into these projects and the only way I persist is through constant praise, prayer and pressing !!

Why then, am I literally weeks away from being finished only to face a stronghold that has taken over my thoughts?

Last night I had a breakthrough. I “took myself to the woodshed,” so to speak. I got alone with myself and my creator. I gave myself a good talking to; and the conversation wasn’t pretty. I asked myself some tough questions.

“Renea, are you strong, or are you weak? Did you come this far only to be distracted? Were you lying when you asked God for help? Do you mean what you say, or are you just talking to hear yourself talk? Renea, why can’t you see what’s going on in your life right now. You KNOW where this distraction is coming from, or more important who has sent this distraction. Again Renea, I need you to answer the question, are you strong?”

Yes, I said all of this out loud, because sometimes I need to hear the problem, I need the sound of my voice to drive out the other distractions burrowing into my gray matter.

Then I waited for the answer, and kept repeating, “Are you weak, or strong? There are only two paths. One leads to the finish line, the other is a long and winding road that will waste the precious time you have remaining on this earth.”

Then I came to the Throne of Grace.

Friends, it’s been a long time since I have laid my life out before my Creator. I sense there has been some toe-tapping, while God watched me struggle. But I also sensed there was a self-confident knowing I would recognize this distraction for what it is, a plan designed by the evil one to hurl me off course and toward the wrong path that will postpone everything, everything, I have worked years to achieve.

God was proud of me. He gave me a nod. Go on now, daughter. You’ve got this.

Friends, if you are struggling, you have the same two choices: press toward the finish line, or not. Set your mind to make good choices.

I grabbed a notepad and quickly penned this reminder, Renea, stay strong !

God gave me strength.

“Lord, let me keep my hand in yours as together we finish this project. You have been with me all along. I want to walk the path YOU have laid out before me, not the trap set by the evil one. My strength comes from you. Not me. And if my hand slips from yours, let me cling to the hem of your garment, for if I can only touch it, everything will be perfect.”

Renea Winchester is an internationally-published author who lives in the mountains of Western North Carolina. She is the owner of Butterfly Cove Botanicals.